My Poker Face
by Conflicting.Opposite.Minds
Summary: There are two ways to come out of a haze of stupidity. The first is you sleep through it,and hopefully get away scot-free. The second is you wake up halfway through and discover the beastly person under you isn't a attractive as you originally thought.
1. Prologue

**(A/N): Naruto doesn't belong to me.**

**Pwease review *puppie dog eyes* I'll give you a cookie! Mwahahahaha  
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We've all herd: Your teenage years are _the_ hardest years of your life. That is _so _not true. Granted they aren't the most pleasant. Adolescent years _do_ suck. I mean, your basically expected to find yourself, all in four short years.

You need to become comfortable in your skin, get good grades, figure out what your going to be when you "grow up", "grow up", balance: school, work, friends, and family, make the most of your youth, date, get your drivers license, hear about the latest sex scandal, fabricate own sex scandal, go to parties and either a.) get wasted, or b.) drive your wasted friends home, hopefully get your very first _minimum_ wage dead-end job, learn responsibilities, get jipped on your allowance, watch your younger siblings, set personal boundaries, keep your family out of your life, sneak out at midnight, sneak in at five, you get the point.

All this while your hormones are raging, and you and your peers are trying to both follow the sheep mentality and stand out. Somewhere in between there we cram for tests and binge food or alcohol.

It's fun huh? Your _probably_ going through it now, and I wish you the best of luck. Oh yes, teen years are bad. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, my friends, just the _tip_.

When I was just a teenager, and believe me, it wasn't that long ago, I just knew it had to get better, I mean, from day one of high school it's jammed, crammed, and slammed into our heads that high school is _the _most important, and difficult time of our lives, and like good little sheep, we believe them. _They_ lied.

I would give anything to go back to those days; life gets so complicated after high school. Relationships get serious, work gets harder, there are suddenly bills to pay, etc...

Real life isn't always fun, in fact you'll be knocked on your ass the first few times, and your safety net (A.K.A your parents) have long gone and are probably partying in Guatemala. Trust me I lived it, and my first fall was the worst.

Because the title of adult is thrust upon us, we _must_ automatically know everything, especially about love. Particularly:_ one night stands_, you know that thing that is overly glamourized in the media. Lady Gaga wasn't lying when she said it's as easy as:

"_I won't tell you that I love you, kiss or hug you, cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin,"_

and suddenly you have no connection to the person your currently sharing your bed with. It really is that easy, it's the next morning when you find out that your, HIV positive, pregnant, or that you have to either get out of some strangers house, or try to get some overly clingy love starved stranger out of you house, while they ask for your number because they want to stay in touch, that's when it gets hard.

This is how my very first fall began. In a drunken haze of stupidity I agreed to go home with a complete and total stranger. Now I should tell you there are two ways to come out of a haze of stupidity. The first is preferable, basically you sleep through it, wake up and sneak out quickly and quietly, and hopefully get away scot-free or with nothing more than a killer hangover.

The second is defiantly less than desirable, when you wake up midway through your night and realize the beastly person under you isn't a attractive as you originally thought.

I luckily got away with the former, or at least part way. I didn't pick up any venereal diseases, and I didn't get pregnant. Most would say I got really lucky. I'm not so sure. Because there is something equally harmful about one night stands. When you wake up to the most beautiful man on God's green earth, so beautiful it hurts, and fall in love with him. The worst part is that he doesn't love you back and you become that overly clingy love starved stranger, asking for his number because_ you_ want to stay in touch. _That bites_.

I'm not going to sugar coat things, this isn't some happy romantic comedy where after a sires of trials my counterpart and I fall madly in love. I _didn't _get the guy at the end. This is real life and it usually doesn't work out perfectly, in fact, it never does. So if your looking for a feel good, turn of the century story that gives you the warm fuzzies go read something else because your not going to find it here.


	2. Boys, Boys, Boys

**Hello boys and girls, I finally updated this story, I've had this idea for so long, I'm so proud of myself!. I'm almost done with the next chapter, so I shouldn't take me long to update again. **

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to either Naruto or the songs Poker Face and Boys, Boys, Boys.**

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The sight before me was perplexing to say the least. Yamanaka Ino dashed around the specialty dress store in search of what she called "The dress of my dreams". So far I'd concluded that said dress was either an off white thigh high spaghetti strap dress, or a sickly sea-foam green dolly- top number with iridescent accents.

This current selection worried me. At least a dozen dresses had been tried on and to no avail, I was beginning to loose faith in the entire process.

"What about something red?" I asked from behind the hardwood changing room door. "Or black?"

I herd an aggravated grunt as a response.

"Red will clash with your hair, and black will blend in with the background!"

"What are you talking about, pig? I ware red all the time!" I twirled around once oceanfront of the full length mirror, then ran my finger's through my bubble gum pink locks.

"Cha! And you look clashy and trashy."

"Hey!"

Another set of dresses were tossed half way over the door.

"I'm sorry Sakura, but it's true, pink and red don't look good together."

"How about purple or blue for the dress color? Anything other than sea-foam green or white."

"Hey," she said knocking on the door. "It is so not my fault you dyed your hair that color, I have limited options."

I glared.

"It is to you fault," I said recalling the events of last Halloween involving the "Quick washout hair dye". Lies!

"Your idea." she answered flatly. That was- well actually true but still, she gave me said dye.

Another dozen dresses and we came to the conclusion that my dream dress was not in this particular store. So we found second best, a knee length champagne colored strapless with a six inch bow in the back that Ino said "makes you look like a birthday present! Naruto won't be able to wait to unwrap you!"

I cringed away from that unpleasant thought, sex with Naruto sounded about as alluring as sex with one of my brothers. Disgusting.

"Can you believe that idiot is turning twenty-one?" Ino asked astounded. "I mean, I remember kindergarten with that loud mouth-"

"Pot calling a kettle black," I interrupted.

"-And he's like drinking age! An adult!"

"I don't recall you ever abiding by the legal age," I said examining the white strap stiletto's that would go perfectly with my dress.

"And I don't care if Naruto's turning one hundred and three, he's no adult."

"Mmhm, that's true, it's pretty big."

"Yeah, do you think that these shoes will look good with this dress?" I asked suddenly unsure of my color coordinating abilities.

"Yes. I'm so pumped for this party! Aren't you?"

I gave a half hearted grunt as an answer.

"Why not?" Ino asked in mock fright. "A party is a party!"

Sitting on a too small bar stool, paying five dollars a pop for alcohol, in a small room with fifty more people than recommended by the fire marshal, wasn't my exact idea of fun.

"I'm only going for Naruto, and I'm not even staying long."

"Gawd you're such a drag." Ino said flipping her blond hair.

"Gawd you're such a valley girl."

"Five-head."

I shot he a halfhearted glare.

"Pig."

And she shot one right back.

.

Music pounded my eardrums in the overly cramped bar, a group of friends sang, or rather screamed, "oh he's a jolly good fellow" to Naruto.

After several complaints on Ino's part, I was still at the party three hours in and on my fourth mixed drink. I'd like to think that I was only buzzed but, anyone could tell I was wasted.

My ears were humming and my vision was fuzzy around the edges. Drinking wasn't my strong suit and usually ended with a dull sense of vertigo and a killer hangover.

I gulped down the remainder of my drink and pushed it to the bartender.

"Another?" He asked eying me me critically.

I was already hammered, and I was completely unsure if I could handle another drink and still have the ounce of wit still inside of me.

"No-" I began

"Ahem," a voice from behind me cut in.

"Maybe you could have one more?"

I turned around to look at this unnamed person, the motion, however made me dizzy, and I slumped forward almost falling.

Two hands clasped my shoulders and pushed me back to my seat.

"Careful."

I looked up at my rescuer to thank them-oh my gawd.

The Abercrombie and Fitch Gods did exist. The man standing in-front of my was proof alone for that.

"H-Hiumthanksforsavingme." I slurred out quickly.

"Hm, maybe you should be cut off." He asked jokingly.

"Y-Yeah." My face was heating up at the close proximity and I was more than thankful for the lack of light.

He threw me a half smile.

"Too bad, I was really looking forward to regretting it." he laughed.

"Well, I can handle one more." I was very proud of my non-slur sentence.

He looked skeptical for a moment before smirking. "Two of whatever she was drinking." The bartender got to work and set our drinks infront if us.

I drank my little umbrella drink slowly, trying to let my body dilute most of the poison.

"What's you're name beautiful?" the Adonis asked me after having a seat.

"Sakrua."

"Really? Your hair's pink, is that why you were named that?"

"No my hair's dyed, I thought it was one of those quick dyes that would washout, I did it last year." At that he laughed and smiled at me grabbing a lock of hair.

"Suites you-I'm Sasuke, by the way-would you like to dance?" he asked suddenly.

I nodded so fast I felt dizzy. Boys, boys, boys began blaring in the room. Sasuke lifted me off the stool.

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**Hi, feedback? I love it. Please, leave a comment. If not, well I'll still update, but I wont be happy about it. I'll give you an imaginary cookie if you do. Thanks!**


	3. Monster

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto. Believe it. **

**(A/N:) Oh well. I just died a little inside. I have to warn you, this is really scatter brained, and it's tone is all over the place, frankly I'm just way too lazy to rewrite this _Monster _(Oh who doesn't love a well placed Pun?) Enjoy, if you can. Oh, and comment, I am such a comment whore.  
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It felt like someone was using as jack hammer on my head and it pounded as I opened my was still dark out as far as I could tell, and the clock on the nightstand said it was five forty-six a.m.

Now, I say _the_ nightstand instead of _my_ nightstand because my Bugs Bunny alarm clock was located on the nightstand to the right of my bed, the side that my door was locate, so that I could turn it off while I rolled out of bed. This particular model was not only window side, across from the door in a very inefficient way, but was also a much more expensive model than my Bugs Bunny one.

I rolled over to be blocked by a rather large, warm, and muscular object. I turned to see an unknown man sleeping next to me, and as I scanned him, I noticed that he was not an unknown sleeping man, he was quite awake, though it didn't help very much in the unknown department. It was only then that I noticed my lack of clothes. I was very naked, in a very unknown, very awake man's house. I really, really hope he's not a serial murderer.

"Ah...Um, er- who are you again?" I asked as he turned his head toward the ceiling, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "A very stupid man." I scratched my head, then sat up on my elbow, mindful of my nakedness.

"You wouldn't happen to be Karin, would you?" he asked glancing at me, "Even if your hair is shorter," he leaned in grabbing a lock of hair and examined it closely in the dark room. "And a different color?" I shook my head. He scowled, I shrank back on the bed. "Sakura... Haruno, right?" he asked rubbing his temples, his eyes closed.

"Yeah," I said in a small voice. "But I still don't remember you."

"That's probably for the better." The edge on his voice was cutting. Startled, I sat up and drug my knees to my chest, resting my forehead on them.

"Sorry." His voice softened somewhat, though the effect was the same. "It's- it's Sasuke." He said purposefully leaving out his surname for an unknown reason. I turned my head slightly to meet his gaze which was a mistake, he was looking at me like an intruder, which was dumb, I'm sure I was invited in.

"Did we have, um, you know?" I couldn't quite bring myself to say it. He looked at me like I was an idiot, a moment before rolling his eyes.

"Well, what do you think?" he asked me like I was a child. I glared, last night was fuzzy on the details, though it was starting to come back to me. We'd danced for awhile before he whispered in my ear, wondering if I wanted to get out of there. Then our giggly, wobbly, and very drunk masses, came back to this place and,- well maybe it wasn't the most intelligent of my questions, but still, he could have been more polite. He continued to stare at me expectantly, waiting for my answer.

"Yes?" It came out more like another question than an answer.

"You need to get out of here, the sooner the better." he said suddenly and flatly.

"Oh, um, okay." I said scratching my head, still feeling tired.

"I'll have a vehicle take you back to your place, whenever you're ready." He looked at me expectantly. It took me a few seconds to process what he meant.

"You mean... now?" I asked eying the clock. We'd left the party at one-ish, I'd been here around oh, four- almost five hours? Wow, talk about a hit-it-and-quit-it guy.

"Yes, I mean now, you need to get out." Even in the dark light of the room I could see his eyes locked onto me in anger.

I was getting a little angry too. It's not like I'm some sneaky seductress, hell bent on his demise. This is a two party system and he was-if you'll excuse the pun- thrusting all the responsibility onto me. What an jerk. What happened to the funny, sweet, and sexy guy from last night? Well he's still sexy. But.

I glared at him for a moment before asking-through clenched teeth, where my clothes were. He shrugged then glanced around the room. I sighed loudly, then with the blanket, happily relinquished by Sasuke, secure around my body I scouted for my clothes. They were scattered throughout the room, like they'd been casually thrown after being removed. I'm guessing they had. I found my clothes as quickly as I could. I still heard a few heavy sighs. I glanced back at him, he was staring at me. It was a little bit creepy.

"So, um, who's Karin?" I said braking the tension, well I thought I was. His unnerving stare turned into a full on glare.

"None of your business." He said flatly, turning to the door. I hear yet another heavy sigh.

"My fiancé. Who is going to be very unhappy with me, all because of you." he answered coldly and accusingly. I felt my face turn into a scowl. This was not just my fault. In fact it was hardly my fault. My anger was rising.

"Hey, listen up... jerk face. This is not my fault. I'm not the engaged one. And I didn't even know you were engaged. So stop blaming me for your screw up!" Why, I do believe I just grew a pair. I'm a little proud. I have no idea where it came from. I'll have to throw myself a me party, if said jerk face doesn't eat me first, or murder me, which looks like something he'd like to do now. Sasuke looked- well glared at me. If looks could kill, I'd already be six feet under. Honestly, I don't remember this man. The drunk one from last night- er, five hours ago, was much nicer. And apparently a cheater. Hmm.

"What did you just say?" He challenged me to say it again. Well I've got something to say to you mister, I don't have enough balls to repeat it! So ha! I am the victor. I win. He's lost. I have to pee.

"Where is the bathroom?" I asked politely. His jaw clenched, probably in defeat.

"Right there, you-" I scampered off to the attached bathroom before he had a chance to yell at me. The bathroom was marvelous, as far as bathrooms go anyway. It was bigger then my own apartment bedroom, with a gold encrusted finish. How superfluous can you get? It included a hot-tub, and a shower, not toilet, their was sink though and another door. I twisted the crystal door knob, and it lead to another room that had-halleluiah- a toilet! After dressing quickly I exited the over-the-top bathroom, only to fined Sasuke, I am so lucky.

"I've called a cab for you," He said chucking a couple of twenty's at me. "They'll be here in ten minutes, you can use that money to get home." I glared for a moment before throwing the wad of cash at him.

"I don't need your money." I hissed.

"Whatever." I walked out of his room as fast as I could, and ran in to an old looking man in a suit. "Oh, erm, sorry." I sputtered out an apology.

"It's fine, miss," He paused for a moment so I could fill in the blank.

"Sakura." His mouth turned up ever so slightly. "How fitting, I assume you are the young lady who entertained Sasuke, yes?" I nodded, though I'd hardly call it entertaining, as I recalled the events of earlier that night, it couldn't have lasted longer than five minutes. A guy like that with erectile dysfunction, now that was fitting.

"I am to show you to the door, and wait with you until the cab comes. Follow me." And so I did, the cab came shortly. As we passed the front gate I noticed the name on UCHIHA on it. It was only when we arrived at my apartment and I had to pay the cab driver did I notice I left my purse at Sasuke's stupid house- er, mansion. Lovely.

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**(A/N:) Yeah, it's not very good. It's tone shifts in a few places and it get really random. I worked on it over a long period of time so I was in a bunch of different moods while this beast was being written.**


	4. Money Honey

M-O-N-E-Y.

Now I know why Sasuke wouldn't tell me his last name. He was an Uchiha, also known as, The Prince. Take notice of the capital letters.

The Uchiha had money, and a lot of it. The kind that no one really remembers were it came from, it just simply was. Fugaku Uchiha, Sasuke's father, was a veteran police officer and a long running congressman. His family basically owned the city's police force.

It's hard to believe I didn't recognize him before, his engagement to the heiress Karin Oro, renowned for a bitchy attitude and poor hairstyle choices, was in every magazine on the shelf.

Miss Oro was a weekly fashion don't, whose father, Orochimaru, was a medical genius through, somewhat questionable experimentation, had "discovered the cure to aging".

They were the current hot topic.

And who could blame the general public? Sasuke was about the sexiest man alive. I meant it when I said Amber Crombie and Fitch gods had graced this boy with looks. But who cares-well me- when my purse is stuck there?

It held my entire life. Credit cards, cash, iPod -and dear god my camera-The one with pictures of my trip to Vegas that I never developed. What happens in Vegas cannot stay in Vegas when there is photographic evidence of a questionable encounter with a Puerto Rican somebody.

But most importantly this particular bag was one I saved every penny I could to buy. It was Prada. Prada, I tell you. Do you know how much little hand bag like that costs? A whole year of internship, wasted.

Ok perhaps taking an extremely, and ridiculously, expensive bag to a seedy bar was not a good idea, but it was for special occasions, and Naruto was one of my closest friends...And my regular _may_ have broken. I'm just putting that out there-stupid cheap strap-and anyway, that Prada matched my out fit perfectly. I digress.

Getting my bag back would be tricky. I have a hunch I didn't leave the Uchiha with a warm and fuzzy feeling. Jerk-face would generally be considered an insult at best. Anyway I doubt that I could get near the front gate without ending up on the cover of People, I can see it now: _Skank breaks up the happy couple, is it a Brad-Ange-Jen triangle all over again?_ Though I look nothing like Angelina Jolie.

But back to the point, I can't just prance over there and politely ask for my purse back. I have to get it back by wit and cunning. Hence Ino and Naruto appeared (Through some form of devious magic, I'm sure.)

"So, spill, what was it like? Describe Sasuke's di-"

"Ew, gross! That's nasty, believe it."

"Shut-up Ino, or I'm going to slap you." I said stopping them before it became a big fight. Silence, then Ino asked:

"How in the hell do you even know Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto?"

Naruto shrugged, and smiled.

"We went to the same kindergarden, friends forever, yeah?"

Ino rolled her eyes theatrically.

"You went to the same school as Sasuke Uchiha?"

Naruto nodded and opened his mouth to say some smart mouth comment, I'm sure, before I told them both to shut up about it, and to get back to the point, we then began to brain storm.

"I know!" Naruto suddenly yelled. "We'll go all ninja on them and like storm the place with shadow clones-"

"Naruto," Ino began bluntly. "We are not in Feudal Japan, and we are not ninjas."

"Yeah," I added. "Don't be ridiculous."

He opened his jaw to protest then mumbled something about being the next Hokage, whatever the hell that is.

Ino suddenly made a light bulb face—bright eyes and open mouth.

"I know! I know how we'll get in. We're going to need a black wig, a handle bar mustache, and a tux."

A smile broke across her face, followed, moments after, by Naruto's foxy grin.

.

Why in the hell did I ever listen to those two? Ino's plan had sounded reasonable enough. Pose as a servant and steal the Prada handbag back while pretending to clean Sasuke's bedroom.

Unfortunately there were, um, a few kinks in our plan, like, did you know that rich people do not, in fact, have hundreds of servants like you see in the movies, more like ten. Or, ohh, how about this, that the Uchiha's know every single one of their servants? Probably know their parents, and grandparents, and great-grandparent, and so on and so forth. They all know each other too, in fact they're all related, servicing the Uchiha's is some sort of family tradition, or legacy thing. Did you know all that? I sure as _hell _had no idea about all this servicing business. Here's another kicker, only Patty and Liza, to sister servants, clean the bedrooms. 0-5 what's that thing you say in popular American culture? Oh, yes. FML. FML to the max.

What else are you supposed to say when you're stuck in a broom closet with armed guards and angry dogs are running around looking for you?

Damn Ino and Naruto, damn them both to the lowest ring of Dante's Inferno, that ring that holds the betrayer. Unbeknownst to me, they split before I even got into the house. Want to know how I know this? When I sent out a S.O.S text Ino informed me that they were getting ice-cream and would come save me after they finished eating.

I tensed as I heard voices from the other side of the door.

"_She went this way." _ I could distinctly hear the whining of dogs, though both their and their human's footsteps were silenced by the three-inch thick cream colored carpet. I quit breathing when I could hear the dogs sniffing the door, the moment lasted forever before the cosmos cut me some slack and the group moved on.

Once I could no longer hear them, I counted to sixty and opened the door quietly.

I moved along the hall as quietly as I could, searching for Sasuke's room, I know, I know, I'm already in deep enough, but as long as I'm here…well. It's Prada, baby.

I slinked along the wall of the hallway, avoiding casting a shadow too far—Maybe Naruto was right, maybe I _am _ninja—slam, brick wall, hmm…remarkably soft, for brick wall, very fleshy, this all seem vaguely familiar. I looked up, and looming over me was Sasuke Uchiha. Wow, isn't my life a giant cliché.

"Hello, can I help you with something?" Smile. He smiled. Oh dot oh. Color me surprised.

Moments later, the very, very scary, armed guards rounded the corner, with their very scary, angry dogs. Well, this should be an interesting explanation.

Eff my life.

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**(A/N:) I am not dead, whoo. So the update...oh so many months later. It's not because it takes me this long to crank out 1,128 word, it's more like my attention span is that of a goldfish. I have like ten parital projects that will probably never be more I write the more I feel like this story is getting away from it's original point. So. That's fun. It's evolving. You should comment on that, cuz really, aren't we all comment whores on the inside? **


	5. Eh, Eh, Nothing Else I Can Say

Eh, Eh, Nothing Else I Can Say

As it turns out, it was not Sasuke Uchiha who I ran into. It was his much nicer-god-i-love-to-screw-with-my-twerp-of-a-younger-brother, brother.

The forces that be seem to have smiled upon me today, because let me tell you, had they not, breaking-and-entering charges would have been filed.

The very, very scary looking men told Uchiha Itachi that I broke into the house to steal and I, of course, corrected them by informing said Uchiha that I was only there to reclaim what's mine, my beautiful Prada bag. He was very sympathetic to my situation, he said that his ex-girlfriend had been a Prada fanatic, and had gotten herself in a similar predicament. (To be perfectly honest I wanted to heart a little bit more about his girlfriend stuus, and perhaps hear him spin a delightful tale about her Prada-induced struggle, hell maybe I'm his type.) He was, however, very curious as to how it ended up in his little brother's room, his _engaged _little brother's room. So he dismissed the secret-service-like guards and led me to their enormous kitchen to explain.

"Something to eat?" he asked, holding out a perfectly red apple. I accepted, really for the sheer purpose to examine it. Itachi had a curious expression on as he watched me stare at the apple in awe. It was immaculate. I, in all my twenty years of existence on this earth, had never seen an apple in such perfect condition.

"We have special apple pickers; they travel all around the world to find us the perfect apples—only the best for an Uchiha."

"Really?" I said in amazement, this is pretty darn fancy, someday I too, shall have these glorious 'special apple pickers' it will be a thing of wondrous proportions! I will have them travel to Italy, France, and...The Philippians, (do they have apples in the Philippians? I shall have to Google that later. Or Bing it…nah, I'm no hipster.) all in search of my perfect app—

"No."

How rude.

I let out my very best 'hmph,' and crossed my arms ready to retaliate. I began to prepare myself for a hissy fit, or, at the very least, a pouty face.

"So," he said with a bemused grin. "How did this whole thing happen?"

_Oh._ I looked away from him. I was suddenly embarrassed, and a little ashamed to have to tell what appeared to be a nice and caring man about my drunken encounter with his younger soon-to-be-married younger brother. I happen to like him, both in personality and his, um,_ aesthetic_ appeal, and I wasn't thrilled to have him disappointed in me so early in what could possibly be a flirtationship of epic proportions!

"Well, it started like this. . ." And I told him, another true story about Uchiha Sasuke and me. It was mildly painful to tell him about Sasuke picking me up, watching as his face slowly fall, and finally to a frown when I told him about the morning after. I was, however, happy to see him crack a smile and shake his head when I described the momentous size of Sasuke's golden bathroom. Then I was ecstatic to see him laugh when I told him how I called Sasuke "Jerk-face." I had to stop at that point and watch him cup his mouth and shake in hysterics.

"And what did Sasuke say to _that_?" He asked when he finally regained composure.

"Nothing, what could he say?" I asked smiling.

"I suppose," he said with the wispy grin that he usually has on his face. "Now continue."

So then I told him about realizing just _who_ Sasuke was, and that my purse was gone. He laughed again when I told him about Ino, and Naruto, and our plan.

"And that's where you found me."

Itachi nodded and smiled, looking down at the counter.

"You are ridiculous, so are your friends."

I shot him a faux glare and bared my teeth at him. Once again he gave me what I named _The Smile._ I was shattered when he turned serious again.

"I'm sorry that my brother was so rude to you, but he is engaged. I'm hoping that you can keep this to yourself…and of course, I'll get you your purse." He added the last bit with a sideways smirk.

I quickly nodded and told him of course. He stood up and motioned for me to follow him.

The journey to Sasuke's room was a long and difficult one. I was scared that I hadn't brought enough water. Seriously. That is not a hyperbole; unlike the time I compared the line to dump my tray in the school cafeteria to Vietnam. (But I do have bad flash backs sometimes, clutching your tray close to your body, praying that no one gets food on you, holding on to your silverware for dear life, lest you should have to dumpster dive later. But, I digress.)

During the long trek I made small talk with Itachi, you know, stuff about the weather, his favorite color, marital status, if he's a cat or dog person.

"My marital status?"

I stop to think about my next words. I must approach it with the utmost care and grace, also, something to divert the attention from the extreme tingly warmth I feel on my face, of which I can only assume is the super powers I wished for back in seventh grade, or that I am blushing.

"Yeah, you know,'cuz your younger brother is getting married…I just thought, that maybe you were too."

"No, I'm not married." He says with humor. "Don't you read tabloids?"

I eye him questioningly. I still have no idea if he's single or not, and I don't really know what the heck tabloids have to do with anything. Either way, I feel as though I have used up my personal question quota, so I let it go.

"I don't read trash." I say in mock offence. Although I have read the 50 Shades Trilogy, which is trashy fiction, does that count?

He smiled then in an exaggerated fashion presented me a ridiculously proportioned door.

"Sasuke is a fan of the theatrical, though he would never admit it." Itachi said bemused. He then reached into his pocket and produced a key and unlocked the door.

Together we entered the dark room, and if feels vaguely like the beginning of a horror movie.

"Ta-Dah." He whispers in a sing-song voice, then flicks on the light.

Ironically, using theatrical to describe this room is an understatement. The room is familiar, kind of. It looks different under the synthetic lights, but, familiar. I feel myself shiver reflexively. The emotions that I had felt days ago come rushing back. He had been so sweet in the bar, charming even. Enough so that I had come home with him, and let me tell you I don't usually do that kind of thing: I'm no floozy! Well, unless you think that time I let Kiba Inuzuka feel me up under the bleachers in tenth grade was floozish. I digress.

The room is vacant and much too large to suit its purpose. The walls are an off white color, similar to the outer shell of a white egg with a glossy gold around the trim. The rest of the room is like that, sterile, mass produced, unnatural, egg white color with gold accents. Some might say it's glorious, I say it's tacky and superficial.

The focal point of the room is the large king size bed, it rests under a translucent canopy of gold colored fabric with large fringes on the end. There's a fire place adjacent to the bed, and a flat screen TV hanging on the wall opposite the bed, and a white, velvety looking chairs and a couch sit around the TV. In the center is a circular steel coffee table.

Jeez is this room a stereotype. I'm just waiting for Alfred to appear and open up the entrance to the Bat Cave.

"See what I mean? Theatrical." Itachi's voice lifts musically on _theatrical. _"I assure you none of the other rooms are so overstated. The Uchiha pride themselves on their taste."

I nod, god I hope not. I scan the room for my purse at the entrances of the room.

"You know you can go in, right" Itachi says with a bit of humor in his voice.

I scrunch my face and look at him.

"Of _course _I know that. I'm just surveying the area first! A great explorer knows what their getting into."

"There are no booby traps in here, Indian Jones."

Hm. That's what thinks. Obviously he has yet to see the toilet, that thing was intended to flush tattletales. Screw sleeping with the fishes, you'll be living it up with alligators, playing "Where's my Water?"

I glance behind to make sure Sasuke doesn't sneak up on me. For some reason I feel like he would me one hell of a ninja. Seeing that the coast is clear I gingerly step farther into the room. Other than the strange living room setup and the bed, the only other furniture in the room is the bedside table and a desk. There are two other doors in the room; one I know is the bathroom, the other, I can only assume is the closet.

The purse isn't in plain sight, but the lack of furniture means that this shouldn't be too long of a search.

"Will you search the night stand and the desk? I'll look under the bed and behind that ominous door."

"You are exceptionally…brave. I think?"

"I am exceptional period." I don't know how I feel about that inflection.

Itachi chuckles at this, closes the door, and we begin to scope out the room.

I don't know what those nightstand drawers are like but underneath the bed there is nothing but vicious dust bunnies. Perhaps if one bits me I'll get a plot bunny? I do want to get back to writing my memoir.

I crawl out from under the bed and glance at Itachi.

"Nothing."

He looks at me from the nightstand.

"Same." I sashay, and yes I mean _sashay, _over to what I have dubbed: "The closet door" and I open it.

It's Narina, (I've waited my entire life to say that!) in the closet. It looks like it's nearly the size of the room, and filled to the brim with clothes. Men's and women's. For a brief moment I wonder if Sasuke is a cross dresser then see that these fashion-not's can belong to non-other than Karin Oro. I walk forward slightly, and the slides, almost, shut, there is still a crack in the door.

As if on cue my Prada bag comes into view. Oh, god, it's beautiful. Deep burgundy, bold, beautiful, full of light and life, oh how it matched that champagne dress!

"What are you doing in here Itachi?" I hear Sasuke say from the room, whoa, wait. Sasuke? I didn't hear him come in. I peek the crack and see that he is staring at Itachi, looking quite pissed if I do say so myself. I assume that he doesn't know what I'm there, or I'm fairly sure that Sasuke would be having a level five temper tantrum.

"Just looking for something that doesn't belong to you."

"Cut the mystic shit Itachi."

Here I am, yet again, trapped in the closet. All I can say is eh, eh.

* * *

**(A/N): So, I have no idea where this story is going. I promise it doesn't take me this long to type 2,00 words, but, what can I say? College takes a lot of time. I'm not sure where to go with this. Any suggestions? I hate the stereotypical love triangle, so that's not an option. Maybe I'll turn this into a Itasaku? I have no idea. But I think I might change POV's next chapter, any thoughts?**


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